Sorting a lifetime of belongings: a gentle, practical guide

Most people expect the sale and the paperwork to be the difficult bit. Often it’s the belongings. A home you’ve lived in for decades holds more than furniture. It holds your children’s drawings, your parents’ china, letters, tools, books and all the small things that tell the story of your life.

Letting things go can bring up grief, guilt and worry, even when you know it’s time. That’s normal. You’re not just clearing cupboards. You’re closing a chapter.

It’s also hard physical work. Lifting, bending, climbing to the top shelf and carrying boxes can be tiring and risky. Pace yourself, and get help with anything heavy or high.

The single most useful thing you can do is start well before you need to. If you’re even thinking about moving in the next few years, you can begin now. Sorting under pressure, with a settlement date looming, leads to rushed choices and regret.

Pick one small space and finish it: a bathroom cabinet, the linen press, a kitchen drawer. Short sessions work better than marathon days. An hour or two at a time is plenty.

Start with the places that hold the fewest memories, like the laundry, the garage or the spare bathroom. Leave photos, letters and keepsakes until last, when you’ve built up some confidence.

• Set aside regular, short sessions in your diary.
• Have boxes or bags ready and labelled: keep, family, sell, donate, recycle, rubbish.
• Finish one space before you start the next.
• Stop while you still have energy left.

A simple test helps: do I use it, and do I love it? If the answer to both is no, it can probably go. If you haven’t used something in years and wouldn’t replace it if it broke, that’s a good sign too.

Get the floor plan of your new home, or measure it, before you decide on furniture. A favourite dining table that won’t fit is a problem better solved now than on moving day. Think about the life you’ll be living there, not the life you lived here.

For sentimental things, you don’t have to keep everything to keep the memory. Choose a few special pieces from a collection. Take photos of items before they go. Some people make a memory box or a photo book, or write down the story behind a treasured object so it isn’t lost.

Many people want to pass things on to children and grandchildren. It can be a real joy to see someone use your grandmother’s teapot or your old workbench. But family members often don’t want as much as we hope, and that’s usually about space and taste, not love.

Ask directly, and accept the answer. Send photos, set a deadline for people to choose, and let them know what happens to things nobody claims. If two people want the same item, talk it through openly or take turns choosing.

Be careful with valuable items, money or anything you’ve promised in a will. Giving things away can have money and family consequences. Services Australia says that if you give away income or assets, or sell them for less than they’re worth, they may still count towards your income and assets tests for payments like the Age Pension. If large amounts are involved, check with Services Australia, the free Financial Information Service or a solicitor first.

Most of what you don’t keep will be sold, donated or recycled. Selling takes the most effort, so be realistic about what things are worth today. Many older pieces of furniture and china sell for much less than people expect. If you think something may be valuable, such as art, jewellery or antiques, get it valued before you sell.

Charities welcome good-quality goods, but they can’t take everything, so ring ahead to check what they accept and whether they collect. Your local council can tell you about hard rubbish collections, recycling for electronics and paint, and other options.

If you sell online, be careful. Don’t share your bank details beyond what’s needed, be wary of buyers who want to pay in unusual ways, and have someone with you when people come to collect. Scamwatch has plain advice on common selling scams.

• Sell: furniture, tools, collectables and anything in good condition that you’re happy to spend time on.
• Donate: clothing, linen, kitchenware and books in good condition.
• Recycle: electronics, batteries, paint and metals through council services.
• Shred: old bank statements and papers with personal details.

You don’t have to do it all yourself. Move managers (sometimes called senior move managers) and professional organisers can help sort, pack, arrange sales or donations, and set up the new home. Some also handle cleaning out the old one.

Costs, services and experience vary a lot, so compare. Ask for a written quote, what’s included, whether they’re insured, how they handle valuables and personal papers, and whether they earn commission on anything they sell for you. Ask for references and call them.

If you’re receiving government-funded help at home, ask your provider or My Aged Care what’s possible. Some practical help may be available, but it depends on your approved services.

If you’re an adult child, you may be itching to just get it done. Resist the urge to march in with a skip bin. The belongings are your parent’s, and so are the decisions. Rushing or overriding them can damage trust and make the whole move harder.

Your parent may say “I’m fine” and “I’ll get to it”. Be patient, but be kindly honest about the timeline if a move is coming. Offer to book a few short sessions together rather than one long weekend.

If memory or thinking is changing, the process may need more structure and more patience. Dementia Australia offers free information and support for families. And if you’re doing a lot of caring, Carer Gateway can support you too.

• Ask before you move, bin or box anything.
• Listen to the stories. They are part of letting go.
• Do the lifting, carrying, ladders and trips to the charity shop.
• Keep siblings informed so no one feels left out.
• Take a break when emotions run high, and come back another day.